January 31, 2007

Lover of love, is it?

"And now these three remain: faith, hope and love... but the greatest of these is love"

"I want to have all the experiences in the world," proudly I used to tell myself. But, I found that it's a truly humbling experience when life takes us through well-chosen situations shaping us up. It makes us utterly naked to our very eyes so that we realize how lacking we are. In that knowledge we can see that it's our hallucination that we see ourselves complete in parts within the infinite incompleteness of the whole person of ours.

So it is with me, that I always wanted to be the greatest lover of love, but, I always fall short of it. The more I want it, the more do I realize my lack of it. While it is purely a mattter of one's will, guess I'm not evolved enough to be a lover of love fully!

I lost my (paternal) grandmother few days ago, and as I stood beside her burial place, I couldn't stop myself from verbalizing my reflections about her...
"If I had to count the number of hours I spent with my grandmother, it would not even be a complete day. But I remember how she used to hold my face with both her hands and kiss me. She loved me very much. We did know of her suffering (loneliness), but didn't do much to help her. I thought I'd give both my grannies a ride in my car, but couldn't. Our hearts couldn't show so much love for her. We're happy she passed away. Praise God."

What I didn't say was "Many people disliked her, because of which she was neglected. I do not know what she's done to hurt them. But, if God was in their place, He would have easily forgiven her. Hm, but we are humans."

Now that she's no more, regret is what's left.

Yet, this realization is a temporal thing.
This too shall pass away... To naught.
(I hope not)

"We must look deeply enough into one another's souls not only to know what makes us happy, but also to understand what causes us pain." - A Rabbi parable

Is that what a lover of love does?
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